Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Showing posts with label Dog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dog. Show all posts

Thursday, August 13, 2015

Adventure at the Wiener Crossing

The miniature dachshund was so small, it took a second for my brain to register that this was a dog. It jumped off the curb into a busy four-lane highway directly in the path of my car.

Luckily I had just enough time to be able to signal the car behind me and brake. I immediately regretted honking to scare it back onto the curb when it started and looked like it might dart into the lane next to me.

“NOOOOO!”

Fortunately that smart little dog listened. It wavered, looked worried, stopped guiltily, clearly wondering what it had done wrong. It had presumably been enjoying an unexpected adventure until I’d started making horrible noises at it. I waved an apology to the man behind me and dove out of my car. The man behind me signaled back, “Yes. Get the dog.” With a kind smile.

That was when I realized the thoughtful driver next to me had stopped as well, immobilizing the southbound lanes of rush hour traffic in order to help protect the little dog. The young man got out to help. “Whatdya do?” he asked me.

I didn’t know. If I’d been heading toward home, I would have put it in my car and checked for tags. Driven around. Asked people. But I had somewhere to go. Fortunately the little wiener dog finally understood that the direction it was heading was upsetting a whole lot of humans. It wheeled around and bounded for home in that determined, ear-trailing, stubby-legged gallop that only a dachshund can achieve. That was when I looked behind me and realized it had a partner in crime—a little brown dog several cars back attended by a group of women who were making sure it didn’t continue its little doggy-holiday alone.

It wasn’t until I turned back to my car that I was able to appreciate the rows and rows of traffic as far as I could see that had come to a halt for two little dogs on a spoiled adventure. All of the nearby drivers were out of their cars and actively engaged in a joint dog-herding venture. Not a single one was looking upset about anything but the fate of those pets.

We hear about people who are cruel to animals. I thought I would pass along what was for me a pleasant reminder that most are not. It took a whole lot of strangers gathered on the highway, united over their shared love of another species, to send me a nice message I needed: My own species has its moments as well.


What a paradox that we connect with God, with divinity, with our flesh and blood and time and space. We connect with God in our humanity. ~Anne Lamott, Stitches




Thursday, July 2, 2015

Stinky Business

Many thanks to Val Thevictorian of Unbagging the Cats, who made this suggestion while commenting on my last post about stinky dogs: “I think you should run with this concept, and develop a line of pooch perfume/cologne for those leash dogs who live in high-rise apartments and whose foot-pads rarely touch a blade of grass. If you concoct it, they will come.”

Well those high-rise apartment dogs should be showing up any minute now, because I decided she is right. I’m working on my new business, "Pupfume." I’m thinking about shaping the bottles like little fire hydrants. But first things first! To begin my business, I am of course doing the very most important thing and naming the scents.

Please feel free to preorder by sending me large amounts of cash. Nothing but the best for those high-rise dogs! If you don’t see the scent of your dog’s choice below, please do offer suggestions. All fragrances come, of course, in Eau de Toilet:

Ten Names for Dog Perfumes

  1. Guerlain’s Shallowmud or Elizabeth Arden’s Pew Grass. Or possibly for the manly dog, Old Spit.
  2. Dolce & Gabbana’s Light Pew
  3. Cool Lake Water
  4. Calvin Klein's Escape 1 (from the Dogcatcher) and Escape 2 (from the Fence)
  5. Juicy Carcass Couture
  6. Evening in Garbage
  7. J’adore la Pew
  8. L’Air du Romps
  9. Burberry Butt
And for the really discerning French dog,
  1. Chien-Smell #5

Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I’m a dog.  Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog.  Sigh!  There’s so little hope for advancement.  ~Charles M. Schulz



Sunday, June 28, 2015

Succinctly Yours Week 223: Skunked


It’s time again for Succinctly Yours, a weekly meme made possible by the lovely Grandma of Grandma’s Goulash. Each week, Grandma posts a photo with the challenge to come up with a story of 140 words or 140 characters or fewer to go with it. The bonus word this week was “gargle.” Ouch, Grandma! My second offering is the true story, written in 140 words, that inspired the first offering, written in 140 characters. Phew. Or is that, pew?                                                                                                                         






Gladys planned to steep a dead skunk in the wading pool so she could gargle before meeting the handsome new dog next door. She wanted to be at her best; that Dane was great.  140







She was Buddy’s best girlfriend ever, a blonde shepherd mix named Amiga who appeared from time to time in our yard sporting a new bandana that signaled a recent bath. She was a big gal who could handle his obnoxiousness and keep him in line. When she needed to rid herself of that spring-fresh smell, she knew he could be counted on to dispatch the insult toute de suite. The two of them made a great pair, leaping and snuffling and gargling in each other’s slobber. Then she’d go prancing back home, bandana torn and covered in dog spit.

Once she got skunked along the way and was thoughtful enough to return the favor. It was a skunking-by-proxy. After two baths, I had to resort to V8 because I didn’t have tomato juice.

It had been love at first sniff.   140





True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice. ~Ben Jonson

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Differences Between Cats and Dogs

In honor of Not Your Mother's Book...On Cats coming out next week, here are

Ten Differences Between Cats and Dogs:  

  1. Love
Dog: You exist! And Yay, you feed me! And you exist! I love you so   
much!
Cat: I love you when you pet me, but don’t stop too soon or I’ll be really mad. Also, don’t pet too long or I’ll be really mad.

  1. Tummy rubs
Dog: Yay! I’m in heaven!
Cat:  Touch my stomach, you #@*&!, and you die.

  1. Meals
Dog: Yay! Kibble! NomNomNom…!
Cat:  Excuse me? I ordered the pate you gave me last February. This seems to be more kibble, which I’ll eat this one time, but tell the chef I am heartily displeased.

  1. Snacks
Dog: I’m supposed to get my snack at 8:00 PM. It is now 7:43.
      Pleasepleaseplease can I have it now? How about now? Can I have the     
       snack now?
Cat: I’m supposed to get my snack at 8:00 PM. It is now 7:43.
       Pleasepleaseplease can I have it now? How about now? Can I have the     
       snack now?

  1. Petting 
Dog: Yay! I got a pat as you walked by, and now I’m even happier!
Cat: Don’t you dare just pat me as you walk by. I expect a full-on Swedish massage until I dismiss you, via attack to the hand.

  1. Angst
Dog: Huh?
Cat: I am unhappy about something, or maybe not. But as long as you’re trying to get some work done, I’ll just circle the house making this noise that makes your skin feel like it crawled off your skeleton and hid in a toaster thrown into the bathtub. Because I can keep it up for hours.

  1. Sleeping In
Dog: Go ahead and sleep in! I’m just happy to be near you. We’ll wake up when you’re ready.
Cat: Here, let me insert my litter box-walking-paw into your nostril, because it’s already 4 am, and I want you up. That 5:00 stuff just won’t do.

  1. Writing  
Dog: Oh, yay! When you’re at the computer, I like to lie at your feet!
Cat: Whatcha doin’ at the computer? Huh? Whatcha doin’? Whatcha doin’? Whatcha doin’? Watcha….

  1. Work
Dog: Bye! I’ll miss you and count the seconds until you return!
Cat: You’re leaving me? Okay, if that’s your little game. I think a single poop-ball in the doorway to your bedroom will eloquently convey my feelings on this matter.

  1. The word, “No”
Dog: I’m so sorry! Pleasepleaseplease forgive me! I promise I      
will never, ever do it again!
            Cat: Did you say “no” to me? That will not do. Please turn your back so
I can run up and bite your legs.  


 Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods. ~Christopher Hitchens

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Succinctly Yours #177: Lapped

Thank you to Grandma’s Goulash for hosting Succinctly Yours! The idea of this meme is to retrieve a story from the picture and dock that tale until it's 140 words or 140 characters or fewer. This week’s bonus word was “zone.”

Although Zeke was nothin’ but a hound dog, he practiced daily to become a water spaniel. Whenever in the water, he was in the zone.  107
Bri was in the zone when she did her daily laps in the pool. The elliptical trainer just didn’t give her as satisfying a workout, and frankly, Pilates has gone to the dogs.  140
Ginger was in the zone when she fetched the gold medal for diving. But how shocking that they tried to make her wear it instead of throwing it back in for another go!  134


There is meaing in focus, concentration, attention. ~Anne Lamott, Stitches

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Doubly Dyed in the Wool: Book Signing and Succinctly Yours #174

This is one of the few times I can say to anyone living in an exotic location: Too bad you don’t live in St. Louis, Missouri, because you really missed out on a great event last Tuesday. The Not Your Mother’s Books combination book signing event (NYMB…On Being a Mom and NYMB…On Family) was about as perfect as these things get. We were graced with uncharacteristically cool weather for July—which was a gift all its own because of the way the crowds spilled out of the independent and community-minded bookstore, STL Books, and onto the sidewalks of quaint, historical Kirkwood.

Wine and the most delightful little nibbles and noshes were served while NYMB...On Family coeditor Linda O'Connell circulated around exclaiming, "Eat! Eat!" Several contributors read their humorous stories. If that weren’t awesome enough, owner Robin Theiss donated 10% of all sales proceeds to Family Resources Center in support of their work to reduce childhood abuse and neglect. I admired the selection of books offered in that lovely store: classics, popular, children’s, local. Perfect. And as luck would have it, they ship books! Check it out if you’re so inclined.

Thank you again to NYMB coeditors Linda O’Connell and Dianna Graveman!


Succinctly Yours #174: Baa Wow

Many thanks to Grandma’s Goulash for herding us together once a week for Succinctly Yours, where willing participants are called to spin yarns of photo-inspired microfiction that is sheered down to 140 words or 140 characters. The bonus word this week was “quantify:”


After Granny’s eyesight went, it was hard to quantify the joy she received from her dog, Wolfie. So no one told her that he was, in a sense, a sheep in Wolfie’s clothing.  138
I find I have…a tendency to overwrite, to use two or three words where one will do better. I have to go back and cut and cut. ~John Steinbeck