When It Really Is Unlucky to Have a Black Cat

It’s been a while since I’ve been on blogs. Part of the reason is that I’ve been even more overwhelmed than usual lately. The other reason is that I’ve had a horrible bout of writer’s block ever since our beloved little Catsby passed after an unexpected diagnosis of congestive heart failure a couple of weeks ago. It’s amazing to me how empty my lap feels now when I write.

I really didn’t want a cat at the time we found him living under a concrete bench in the yard a couple of years ago. Not only was I just not a cat person, I thought I was too busy. My social life is fuller than it’s been since I met my former husband over thirty years ago, and I won’t apologize for that. I’ve earned it. 

And Catsby had some abandonment issues. At first I complained about how needy he was, but it turns out his constant presence is what I miss most. It was endearing that he adored being with loved ones so much.

Once when I went in the closet and saw his tail protruding slightly from under the clothing, I impulsively said (in a peekaboo voice), “I wonder where our dear little kitty could be?!”

When he popped out and exclaimed, “MeOW!” it sounded for all the world like, “Here I am!”

That was our Catsby. That goofy critter converted a family of dog people into dog AND cat people. 

That's what made him The Great Catsby.

I can’t tell you how much your kind words meant to me during that time and still mean to me. Also—a block-shattering bit of good news—my NYMB…On Being a Woman story, “Worse Than Zombie Warts” will be featured on www.laughuntilyoupee.com this coming Friday. I’d appreciate it if you’d consider coming back and leaving a comment over there, and as always, thank you so much!

 Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with. ~Mark Twain

Who Says Cats Aren’t Useful

In the past year, I’ve been remembering what it’s like to have cats. I had them before I got married, but my husband repeatedly swore he was far too allergic to have cats and couldn’t ever take the shots. I like almost all animals, but since I’ve never really been a cat person, I married him anyway and lived without cats for many years. (Interesting side note: It sounds as if he has had a miraculous recovery since we divorced and has practically become a male cat lady. Hallelujah!)

Since adopting Catsby, I’ve been re-learning that kitties can be very sweet little companions who can not only run to greet you at the door when you get home (especially when getting home coincides with snack time, and you are, in fact, the resident hair net-less Lunch Lady), but they come in handy in many other ways as well. For example:

Snow cleanup required? Call in kitty snow removal to act as a catuum.

Doilies getting dirty? Armrest slipcovers getting a little worn? Try a furrier solution! 

Tired of the same old coffee table books and décor? Try arranging a caterpiece. Note the ability to double as a paperweight.

Vents too drafty? Stop those annoying breezes with an air catditioner cover!

 Good news! Not Your Mother's Book...On Cats came out yesterday!

I have friends in overalls whose friendship I would not swap for the favor of the kings of the world. ~Thomas A. Edison

Differences Between Cats and Dogs

In honor of Not Your Mother's Book...On Cats coming out next week, here are

Ten Differences Between Cats and Dogs:  

1. Love

Dog: You exist! And Yay, you feed me! And you exist! I love you so   

much!

Cat: I love you when you pet me, but don’t stop too soon or I’ll be really mad. Also, don’t pet too long or I’ll be really mad.

2. Tummy rubs

Dog: Yay! I’m in heaven!

Cat:  Touch my stomach, you #@*&!, and you die.

3. Meals

Dog: Yay! Kibble! NomNomNom…!

Cat:  Excuse me? I ordered the pate you gave me last February. This seems to be more kibble, which I’ll eat this one time, but tell the chef I am heartily displeased.

4. Snacks

Dog: I’m supposed to get my snack at 8:00 PM. It is now 7:43.

      Pleasepleaseplease can I have it now? How about now? Can I have the     

       snack now?

Cat: I’m supposed to get my snack at 8:00 PM. It is now 7:43.

       Pleasepleaseplease can I have it now? How about now? Can I have the     

       snack now?

5. Petting 

Dog: Yay! I got a pat as you walked by, and now I’m even happier!

Cat: Don’t you dare just pat me as you walk by. I expect a full-on Swedish massage until I dismiss you, via attack to the hand.

6. Angst

Dog: Huh?

Cat: I am unhappy about something, or maybe not. But as long as you’re trying to get some work done, I’ll just circle the house making this noise that makes your skin feel like it crawled off your skeleton and hid in a toaster thrown into the bathtub. Because I can keep it up for hours.

7. Sleeping In

Dog: Go ahead and sleep in! I’m just happy to be near you. We’ll wake up when you’re ready.

Cat: Here, let me insert my litter box-walking-paw into your nostril, because it’s already 4 am, and I want you up. That 5:00 stuff just won’t do.

8. Writing  

Dog: Oh, yay! When you’re at the computer, I like to lie at your feet!

Cat: Whatcha doin’ at the computer? Huh? Whatcha doin’? Whatcha doin’? Whatcha doin’? Watcha….

9. Work

Dog: Bye! I’ll miss you and count the seconds until you return!

Cat: You’re leaving me? Okay, if that’s your little game. I think a single poop-ball in the doorway to your bedroom will eloquently convey my feelings on this matter.

10. The word, “No”

Dog: I’m so sorry! Pleasepleaseplease forgive me! I promise I      

will never, ever do it again!

            Cat: Did you say “no” to me? That will not do. Please turn your back so

I can run up and bite your legs.  

 Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods. ~Christopher Hitchens

Doubly Dyed in the Wool: Book Signing and Succinctly Yours #174

This is one of the few times I can say to anyone living in an exotic location: Too bad you don’t live in St. Louis, Missouri, because you really missed out on a great event last Tuesday. The Not Your Mother’s Books combination book signing event (NYMB…On Being a Mom and NYMB…On Family) was about as perfect as these things get. We were graced with uncharacteristically cool weather for July—which was a gift all its own because of the way the crowds spilled out of the independent and community-minded bookstore, STL Books, and onto the sidewalks of quaint, historical Kirkwood.

Wine and the most delightful little nibbles and noshes were served while NYMB...On Family coeditor Linda O'Connell circulated around exclaiming, "Eat! Eat!" Several contributors read their humorous stories. If that weren’t awesome enough, owner Robin Theiss donated 10% of all sales proceeds to Family Resources Center in support of their work to reduce childhood abuse and neglect. I admired the selection of books offered in that lovely store: classics, popular, children’s, local. Perfect. And as luck would have it, they ship books! Check it out if you’re so inclined.

Thank you again to NYMB coeditors Linda O’Connell and Dianna Graveman!

Succinctly Yours #174: Baa Wow

Many thanks to Grandma’s Goulash for herding us together once a week for Succinctly Yours, where willing participants are called to spin yarns of photo-inspired microfiction that is sheered down to 140 words or 140 characters. The bonus word this week was “quantify:”

After Granny’s eyesight went, it was hard to quantify the joy she received from her dog, Wolfie. So no one told her that he was, in a sense, a sheep in Wolfie’s clothing.  138

I find I have…a tendency to overwrite, to use two or three words where one will do better. I have to go back and cut and cut. ~John Steinbeck

Hope to See You There!

We’re all just walking each other home. ~Ram Dass

Raining Cats and…Cats

Is there magic in anniversaries? Sometimes I think so. Today marks a full year since some higher wisdom placed an abandoned and starving senior cat on our doorstep. Catsby is no longer starving by human standards—though his appetite begs to differ.

We’ve done a lot of speculating about where he’s come from, because this friendly, shiny-coated, declawed, neutered kitty was obviously loved and cared for at one time. But why his former owners didn’t answer our ads or check the information we recorded at the shelter is anyone’s guess. Did their circumstances change? Did they give up looking for him too soon? In the days before finding him, our area suffered damaging tornadoes and vicious thunderstorms. We’ve discussed the possibility that he was lost as a result of those storms, but weight loss like he’d suffered doesn’t take overnight. He had to have been homeless at least several weeks prior to that. 

What is certain is that he was exposed to the elements during those storms. At the first distant growl of thunder, his ears pivot like radar and he heads for shelter—shelter being under my bed, where he has spent the greater part of the rainy season. Even the softest, gentlest of rain sends him darting for his perceived cover. He has his own little nest set up under there.

Very early Mother’s Day morning, we got a doozy of a storm. The unmistakable clatter of hailstones on the roof in the middle of the night was almost deafening. The human members of the family met up in the family room as was our tradition since the kids were little. Some of my fondest memories occurred in the darkness of electricity loss, while the children and I snuggled together and laughed over the sound of thunder. So as we were discussing the luck of having our cars in the garage, Catsby came running out of the bedroom and into our waiting arms, but running in a sort of crouch, like SWAT teams do. He was dodging the hail. Indoors. It was both hysterically funny and desperately sad all at once. 

But here’s a coincidental little postscript. We had more storms this morning just as I was working on this…and Catsby ventured out for the first time. Maybe there’s magic in an anniversary, after all.  

And now for more well-timed news: I just found out my piece, “Super Timmy,” has officially been accepted in Not Your Mother’s Book…On Cats, due out September of 2014!

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass.  It’s about learning to dance in the rain. ~Vivian Greene