Stinky Business

Many thanks to Val Thevictorian of Unbagging the Cats, who made this suggestion while commenting on my last post about stinky dogs: “I think you should run with this concept, and develop a line of pooch perfume/cologne for those leash dogs who live in high-rise apartments and whose foot-pads rarely touch a blade of grass. If you concoct it, they will come.”

Well those high-rise apartment dogs should be showing up any minute now, because I decided she is right. I’m working on my new business, "Pupfume." I’m thinking about shaping the bottles like little fire hydrants. But first things first! To begin my business, I am of course doing the very most important thing and naming the scents.

Please feel free to preorder by sending me large amounts of cash. Nothing but the best for those high-rise dogs! If you don’t see the scent of your dog’s choice below, please do offer suggestions. All fragrances come, of course, in Eau de Toilet:

Ten Names for Dog Perfumes

1. Guerlain’s Shallowmud or Elizabeth Arden’s Pew Grass. Or possibly for the manly dog, Old Spit.
2. Dolce & Gabbana’s Light Pew
3. Cool Lake Water
4. Calvin Klein's Escape 1 (from the Dogcatcher) and Escape 2 (from the Fence)
5. Juicy Carcass Couture
6. Evening in Garbage
7. J’adore la Pew
8. L’Air du Romps
9. Burberry Butt

And for the really discerning French dog,

10. Chien-Smell #5

Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I’m a dog.  Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog.  Sigh!  There’s so little hope for advancement.  ~Charles M. Schulz

Hooray for Awards for Weirdness!

Many, many thanks to Linda O’Connell—very talented and oft-published writer, fellow WWWP, truly gracious and fun human being, editor of Not Your Mother’s Book…on Family, and blogger at Write from the Heart—for the honor of a blog award! It’s my understanding that I am supposed to tell you three weird things I do, so here they are:

1. I have an interest in perfumes and have been known to sniff out strangers—literally—and ask what fragrance they’re wearing. Most people are wonderful about it and often tell interesting little stories about how they discovered the scent themselves. One lovely older woman from the frozen food section of the grocery store couldn’t remember the name, so she took my name and number and later called to tell me. (“Hello? Uh…this is…uh…Gloria? From the grocery store?”). Turned out to be Clinique’s “Aromatics Elixir,” which is funny because, even though I love the “Happys,” I’ve long thought of Aromatics as smelling weird and chemically on me. On Gloria it smelled like a spa in the south of France after a rain.

2. I took tap, ballet and jazz for years, not because I was a good dancer (like my sister who used to dance until her feet bled), but because I love it. Still dance around the house every chance I get.

3. Since August of 2010, I’ve been taking a virtual trip around the United States via the internet, computer wallpaper and Google Earth. I am currently in my last continental state and only have Hawaii and Alaska left. I’ve learned some interesting things, such as the fact that Minnesota has a Spam Museum. I am extremely sad to report that the equally interesting-sounding Museum of Questionable Medical Devices, also located in Minnesota, has closed. At least according to my tour guide, Google. But please don’t change your Minnesota plans just because Wally World is closed! It looks like the Spam Museum is still going strong. Seriously, though, I’ve learned that every state in this amazing nation has its own beauty and history and interest. Will probably go to Canada next. Life is an adventure.

Please consider yourself chosen if you’d like to participate and pass this along!

If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right. ~Bob Basso