I’m-Not-Drunk Dude
The good news is that he is not a mean drunk. In fact, he’s a great guy, everyone’s friend—who can down half his weight in alcohol and not seem terribly drunk at all. He is proud of this accomplishment, and no wonder—he’s worked for years to build such tolerance. He thinks he’s no fun unless he’s drinking, so he finds an excuse to imbibe no matter where he is. He has the uncanny ability to sniff out a bar anywhere—even along a wilderness hiking trail. At an afternoon festival, he makes a beeline for the only booth he cares about—the beer garden. Whether it’s after a morning at the gym, at an afternoon charity event, or at the church picnic, every outing somehow involves alcohol. He frequently swears it off—say, for Lent—because if he can give it up for a few weeks, he’s sure that means it’s not a problem. Then he decides that God wouldn’t have put St. Patrick’s Day in the middle of Lent if people weren’t supposed to drink, and besides, he made his point. And since God said, it would practically be sacrilege NOT to! So drink up—he’s buying!
Next week: Episode #14 (? Send men! I need fresh ones!)
I've known a few of those guys....sad that they think they're lovable & contributing to the fun.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah! He's a chum when he's bending his elbow and a chump when he's not. I knew one like that. Keep your standards high.
ReplyDeleteI once knew someone who claimed her husband wasn't a drunk because he only drank beer and not the hard stuff.
ReplyDeleteI not only knew this guy, I was married to him for 6 years. He's now in prison following his 11th DUI.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, I'm sure everyone has known at least one of these. Donna, I've heard people use that one, too.
ReplyDeleteELEVENTH, Lana? Really? Started to say that has to be some kind of record, but sad to say, I'm sure it's not. Thanks for stopping by!