Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Senior Sex(less) and the City: Episode #10

Bucket List Boy
This is the opposite of The Health Nut. He isn’t just embracing his mortality; he is hurtling himself toward it at the speed of a high-pitched scream. He has a list and he’s not afraid to plunge headlong into it…usually hanging on by something that looks a little like a large elastic ponytail holder. His midlife crisis is so out of control that the list usually involves too little oxygen and way too much gravity. He’s like an adolescent with plenty of money and no mom to yell at him.

Bucket List Boy asked me to jump out of an airplane with him. Amazingly, there was a time in my life when I actually wanted to do this. Now I have a child still at home whom I don’t want to leave homeless. But even if all that depended on me was my plumerias, I still couldn’t do it. As I age, I find that scary thrills like that lose their thrilling aspects—leaving behind just the scary part. I chickened out of the Mr. Freeze roller coaster at Six Flags and had to walk the long Loser Walk past the crowds of bubble gum-chewing tweens watching me with a combination of pity and adolescent superiority. It was the fact that they had you remove your earrings that got me. Anything that sucks the jewelry out of your body is just too much suckage. Serious, scary suckage. Besides, things already hurt at my age; do I really want to risk adding injuries? If I survive? Right now my idea of risky behavior is using a lower SPF sunscreen or skipping a year of mammograms. Worse—and this is a true confession—I am genuinely afraid that sheer terror would make me lose control of my bodily functions. And let’s face it—it’s just not cool at any age to poop on your date.

No question about it, though—Bucket List Boy is fun. He is a wild man who does everything with gusto. He has recreational vehicles galore. He loves to travel. Oh, the places you could go with Bucket List Boy! The question is, would you return?

Next week: Episode #11, Karma Chameleon


  1. I don't know about "Bucket Boy," but sure had me rolling on the floor. I have many of these same concerns. :)
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  2. Neighbors think I have an owl for a pet. When I read your blog, I hoot and screach and scream. You are hysterical. PLEASE turn these entries into a book. It will be a best seller.

  3. This post is too funny! I laughed so hard I almost had to run to the bathroom. What Linda said is true. Turn them into a best seller -- or get a newspaper or magazine to have you become a regular columnist.
    I'm looking forward to reading about Karma Chameleon.
    Donna V.

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  5. Wow, thanks to all of you!!! This one is my favorite so far because the guy really is very entertaining. A book? Really? Some days I do think I could write that much about being suddenly single at my age. Thanks again for making my day.

  6. Hey Tam...I just saw that my comment was posted twice, so I removed one. Actually, it was kind of funny, since I said "Ditto", as if I had to post THAT twice, too!! :D

  7. I saw that, Bec, and thought you'd done it on purpose for just that reason!

  8. Hi Tammy - You gave a me good laugh, and made me so glad I'm an old married lady who doesn't have to jump into the dating pool. Eeek!

  9. I agree with you. If there's a possibility that something is going to be ripped out of my ear, I'll pass.


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