Succinctly Yours Week 205: Meoooops

Thank you to Grandma’s Goulash for hosting Succinctly Yours, a delightful little meme in which we scratch out a story of 140 words or 140 characters or fewer to accompany Grandma’s photo. The bonus word this week was “ideal.”

It wasn’t the ideal swimming pool, but swimming wasn’t their ideal activity, either.  72

“Take a skinny dip wiz me, ma petite chaton,” Meowrice purred. “I do not know,” Mewsette hung back. “Zees ees not my ideal—dipping wiz zee floating June bugs!”  132

Oh, how they loved their bouncy house! Until the next day, when they found out why inflatables aren’t ideal homes for cats.  102

Jim:  Uh, believe it or not, Kevin, firecrackers are in the 'Don’t' column.

Kevin:  So, you’re going to provide them, then?

Jim:  No, this is a firecracker-free wedding.

Kevin:  Oh, what the hell?
~“Niagara.” The Office. NBC. 04 June, 2005. Television.

Succinctly Yours Week 204: The OTHER Thinker

Thank you to Grandma’s Goulash for hosting Succinctly Yours, a delightful meme in which we are invited to copy Grandma’s compelling photo and come up with a story of 140 words or 140 characters or fewer to accompany it. The bonus word this week was “xenogamy.” Way to challenge us, Grandma! I confess I had to look that one up. I hope I’m using it properly…or that I’m at least close.

Thoughtful zookeepers gave Puddin’ the Silverback a nice big stick to keep his brain stimulated. He liked to lean on it while contemplating the xenogamy of zoo plants. 139

It was spring, and Daisy had the birds and the bees on her mind. Unfortunately, the only pollinating on Puddin’s mind was xenogamy…and not monogamy. 124

Remember, happiness doesn't depend on who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think. ~Dale Carnegie

Succinctly Yours Week 203: Maybe Not Quite So One-Sided

Thank you to Grandma’s Goulash for hosting Succinctly Yours, a delightful little meme in which we are driven by Grandma’s compelling photo to come up with a story of 140 words or 140 characters or fewer. The bonus word was “jagged.”

She snuggled into him, her breath jagged with anticipation. His Pierce Arrow had struck her heart just as surely as if it had been fired from Cupid himself. 129

Her eyes might have been on his face, but her jagged heart was on the horizon, her hand ready to steer if he got out of line, and her foot ready to slam on the brakes if need be. 140

She leaned in, inhaled a jagged breath and gazed up. She couldn’t believe her heart could be filled with so much love! Plaid was her life, and his hat was exceptional.  137

Yet there was nothing jagged or rocky about their journey: when they were out of the car, it was his adoring eyes on her.  98

Oh sweet mercy! A lime green hatchback! It’s a thing of beauty! ~Cars.com commercial  

Succinctly Yours Week 202: Groundhog Daze

Thank you to Grandma’s Goulash for hosting Succinctly Yours, a delightful little meme which encourages us to peak into the world of micro and come up with a story of 140 words or 140 characters or fewer. This week, a biography unexpectedly emerged. The bonus word was “zany.”

Punxsutawney Paul was more ambitious than his predecessor, Punxsutawney Phil. He longed to sing, quote the Bard, or do a zany dance during his moment in the sun. 132

Punxsutawney Paul loved his new job. He had terrific job security, a great benefits package, and he only worked one zany morning per year.  114

Punxsutawney Paul was horrified. It was his one moment in the sun, and he had overslept. He feared those zany crowds had ditched him for the ground squirrel next door.  135

Due to cutbacks, Paul was forced to work the rest of the year in a zany Whac-a-Mole game at the carny. When he did emerge, he couldn’t remember what he was looking for. 136

Thanks to PETA, Punxsutawney Paul retired and is now Palm Beach Paul. He does daily searches for something he knew he was supposed to look for and occasionally golfs. 137

That was a great game of golf, fellers. ~ Purported last words of Harry Lillis "Bing" Crosby

Succinctly Yours Week 201: Marooned

Thank you to Grandma’s Goulash for hosting Succinctly Yours, a delightful little meme in which we are encouraged to pack a story into 140 words or 140 characters or fewer. The bonus word this week was “faint.”

The first morning of his island vacation, naïve Ed went outside and thought he might faint. No wonder his ticket to Grand Island, Nebraska had been such a good deal.  136

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist. . . .

~Last words of General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, killed in battle during the U.S. Civil War

Succinctly Yours Week 200: Beware of Bigfête

Thank you to Grandma’s Goulash for hosting Succinctly Yours! The purpose of this delightful challenge is to whip up a lean little story of 140 words or 140 characters or fewer. I got carried away this week—especially with the idiotic idioms. My entire story has about 115 words total. The bonus word was “waddle.”

Sally Sasquatch served, at her sylvan soirée, an authentic ice sculpture designed by Stefan Stag. Thanks to crashing Claude, it proved to be a real icebreaker.   134

“The beavers are a fabulous touch!” exclaimed Sergei Skunk Ape. “I love to watch them waddle. Too bad I gave up finger food.”   103

“Sorry, Sally,” said Claude, once they fished him out. “I’ve attended a few too many forest fêtes over the holidays and now I waddle. Guess I’m a splash-squatch.”   135

When clumsy Claude tried to dance, he waddled on two left bigfeet. “Care to cut a river? Trip the lake fantastic?” He asked Sally.

“Um…not yeti,” she replied.  131

Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale. ~from Juno, 2007, written by Diablo Cody and directed by Jason Reitman

The Bad Breakup

In the beginning, he couldn’t do enough for me. But things changed quickly enough. When I finally decided to end things, I was nice about it. “You’re just too much for me,” I said. The truth was I was fed up and tapped out. I was ready to move on. The DISH Satellite rep didn’t take it so well.

He begged me to take them back. Things would be different this time! He would change my plan! When I said no, he offered to leave my plan the way it was but lower the cost even more. That would have been fine if he’d done that when I called and asked for a better deal several times. But, like an abusive spouse, he was only interested in doing what I needed when it was a last-ditch effort to keep me from leaving. He didn’t care about my satisfaction. He only wanted to reel me back in.

“I’m sorry,” I said, “but it’s too late.” He argued so much, it took up all my allotted time. I had to hang up and call the next day. “Really,” I said. “I’ve found someone else and I want out.”

That was truly when DISH Network became the bad breaker-uppers of the television world. If that was the case, they wanted their stuff back, then. Not the dish, because they’re so nice, but everything else. And they didn’t want me dropping it off at their office, either. I could just mail it all back. At my expense.

“Why can’t I just drop it off?” I asked.

“It’s for your protection,” the rep said, huffily. “We might lose it.” I laughed so hard, he got mad. They also prorated the days. I had tried to cancel before my new billing cycle had started, but the delay they caused added another day to it.

Then, like television mafioso, they began calling me periodically and leaving electronic semi-threats proactively warning me I’d better send ALL of it back when I got the packing material they sent, and I’d better do it right, because they have my credit card on file! So there!

I've been free for a while, and I couldn’t be happier. I recently heard from a friend who was trying to get out of her relationship with DISH, too. She was having a similar experience.

Cads. They never change.

In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. ~ Buddha