Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Monday, February 14, 2011

The Love Song

If the soul truly has a mate, he was mine. It was clear from the beginning that he was Yogi to my uncertain consciousness, guide to a restless spirit. He surfaced and resurfaced several times through the years, but always I was about to embark on a new phase. Bad timing, I told myself. Bad, bad timing.

He even wrote me a song, sung in his deep and honeyed voice, a going-away gift. I treasured that song and put it away for safekeeping, but at some point over the years I forgot where it was.

One of the things that summed him up best was his response when a beautiful, renowned boyfriend-stealer threw herself at him right in front of me. That was the first time I took a step back and realized with a small shock that he was physically lovely as well. Virtually every other guy I know would have flirted back at the very least, but he was cool to her and a little disgusted. When she finally backed off and left, I fished. Didn’t he think she was pretty?

He was careful. He hesitated, felt for the right words. He finally said, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think she’s pretty on the inside.”

Goodness, how I loved him then, and forever, in a way that didn’t end when I married someone else. I will forever think of him not just as someone I loved, but as one of the people I admire most in the world. And now I admire him even more because I’ve lived enough to realize how rare he really was.

Some people continue to uplift and inspire us, as I said in another post, and some comfort us. He did both. Does both. When I look back, I realize it wasn’t that the timing was wrong. I wasn’t ready. And I can’t regret. Knowing that people like him exist in the world is enough. Having known him at all is enough.

The other day I was looking for some paperwork for a project, and there was the song, just in time for Valentines Day. This time the timing was perfect; it sings to me again after all these years. But then again, love that comes from the soul is timeless.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love. ~Sophocles


  1. So where is he now? It might be interesting to find out...

  2. Tammy, I am gasping and holding my breath, inhaling deeply and squelching a sob. Find this guy. He is your destiny. FIND him.

  3. I've known all along. My sisters kept me updated. He's many miles away and I hope very happy, because he deserves it. ;)

  4. Linda, your comment popped up just as I posted mine. Bless your heart, you romantic, you! :))

  5. Tam, you HOPE he's happy? So, you don't really know for sure? Is he married or with someone? I think I'd be searching for more answers, too!

  6. Tammy, m'dear, listen to your smart blog buddies! What can it hurt to seek him out? The very worst that can happen is that you will reconnect with a special man. Should the best happen, well...wouldn't it be better to know?

    Be bold! :) Nothing to lose, lots to gain.

  7. When I mentioned to an old friend several years ago that I would kinda like to see my old boyfriend just out of curiousity, he said, "What do you want to see HIM for?" I felt like there was something he wasn't telling me, since they had been friends as well. Maybe he wasn't as perfect as I thought he was.

    I do see my eigth-grade sweetheart (as he refers to me) almost every day! He is the old guy in the Ocean Spray commercial, standing in the cramberry bog. Whenever that commercial comes on, Rod yells, "There's Henry!" We had all gone to school together, so Rod knew him too.

  8. WOW, what a memory. It is special when people like that cross our paths regardless of timing, it left its mark. :)

    Sorry I'm late my Google is acting up again :(
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  9. How lovely. Seems to me it doesn't hurt anything to at least say hi and see how he's doing. You never know what might come of it...

  10. Last year I helped plan our high school reunion (I won't say how many years!). It was so much fun to re-connect with friends.

    I think you should reach out to say hello. No matter the outcome, I bet you'll enjoy the conversation.


  11. Hi Tammy,
    Your post gave me chills. You were meant to find that song. He sounds beautiful inside and out!

  12. You guys are so kind, but I think Judie summed it up. And how fun that you get to see your Cran-Man almost daily! :D Donna, you're absolutely right. Thanks to all of you!!


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