Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Sunday, May 10, 2015

The Delightful Layers of Momdom

Many thanks to Sioux for making me think of a memory. I read her wonderful Mother’s Day post while eating my grandmother’s soup out of a bowl I bought because it reminded me of my grandmother’s dishes.

Those dishes really captured her because we usually sat at her kitchen table. My grandmother was the kind of woman who was always doing for others. That is how I remember her—bustling. Cooking, tidying, moving. Always moving.

And then advanced age forced her to sit still. Forced others to do for her for once. It was hard for her, I’m sure, but that, too, she handled with grace. Even though it would be easy to say she’d earned the right to be waited on, I never got the impression that sitting still was any kind of reward for her.

Instead, the reward was mine. My grandmother had a live-in caregiver then, but when the caregiver was off on Sundays, my grandmother needed someone to sit with her. I lived out of town at the time, but when I came to visit, I’d sit with her on Sundays.

That was how I got to know my grandmother—really got to know her—after she’d turned 100 years old.

Because for the first time ever, we really talked. Not only did I get to ask her what she needed, I got to know her as a human being and not merely as a caretaker. I was surprised to learn just how smart and funny and wise she truly was. We chatted and conversed and giggled and gossiped a little. We reminisced. We debated and discussed. And when she did pass at 102, I felt those last two years had been the most precious. For me, anyway.

Here’s hoping you, too, have good memories or make good memories that last through the centuries and beyond. Happy Mother’s Day.


Who else but a grandmother ever fried bologna?  ~Cynthia Kaplan, Leave the Building Quickly





13 comments:

  1. Hari OM
    ...and you, in turn, remind me of my paternal g'ma, whom I only really got to know in her few final years; till then she had been something of the 'dragon' in the family. To find her softer side meant her departure left positive memories - and that was important. Hope you are having your own special day Tammy! YAM xx

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    1. I'm so glad you got to see - and keep forever - that softer side! Hope you had a great day too, YAM!

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  2. Wow. 102! You were fortunate to have those last two years with her.

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    1. Thanks, Val. And she was sharp clear to the end. I count myself lucky to have had any time at all with her.

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    2. Tammy--What a gift! I only knew my grandmothers as grandmothers and not as women and people. You were quite fortunate to have those two priceless years.

      (And the quote. My grandmother would fry bologna and put a scoop of mashed potatoes in the middle (after the edges curled up a bit) and called it a "flying saucer." Yum!)

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    3. What a sweet story. Hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day, Tammy!

      Pat
      Critter Alley

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    4. I don't know why I'm not getting the option to respond to you separately, Sioux and Pat, but thank you both. Isn't that a great quote, Sioux? I like the mashed potatoes idea. Fancy! Like stuffed bologna! My mom used to fry it, too, but she was older and hated to cook. She pretended it was a legitimate meat item. Ha.

      Happy Mother's Day to you, too, Pat, and thanks!

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  3. I'm so glad you were blessed with such great memories of your grandmother, Tammy. My gram lived to be 95. We spent so much time together in her last years, and I've always felt incredibly lucky to have had that special time with her. Thanks so much for the wonderful memories. Happy Mother's Day to you, an awesome Mom!

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    1. Right back at you, Teri - all of it. We were both lucky to have such wonderful grandmothers, and you are one of the most awesome moms I know!

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  4. What wonderful memories. I feel the same way. I got to know my grandma the last two years. We giggled like school girls over her 80 year old boyfriend.

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  5. This made me smile, Linda. For a couple of reasons...!

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  6. Great post, Tammy. Sorry I got to it so late in the week. You're fortunate to have had that time with her. My oldest daughter really took advantage of time when my father-in-law lived with us. She used to take him on a Saturday lunch date---every single Saturday, rain or shine---for sushi. Not sure how many 20-something girls plan every Saturday around their 80-something grampa, but she did. He passed three years ago, and she is so happy she took the time to get to know him.

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  7. No kidding - what a cool person she must be! Happy Mother's Day, Lisa!

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