Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Stinky Business

Many thanks to Val Thevictorian of Unbagging the Cats, who made this suggestion while commenting on my last post about stinky dogs: “I think you should run with this concept, and develop a line of pooch perfume/cologne for those leash dogs who live in high-rise apartments and whose foot-pads rarely touch a blade of grass. If you concoct it, they will come.”

Well those high-rise apartment dogs should be showing up any minute now, because I decided she is right. I’m working on my new business, "Pupfume." I’m thinking about shaping the bottles like little fire hydrants. But first things first! To begin my business, I am of course doing the very most important thing and naming the scents.

Please feel free to preorder by sending me large amounts of cash. Nothing but the best for those high-rise dogs! If you don’t see the scent of your dog’s choice below, please do offer suggestions. All fragrances come, of course, in Eau de Toilet:

Ten Names for Dog Perfumes

  1. Guerlain’s Shallowmud or Elizabeth Arden’s Pew Grass. Or possibly for the manly dog, Old Spit.
  2. Dolce & Gabbana’s Light Pew
  3. Cool Lake Water
  4. Calvin Klein's Escape 1 (from the Dogcatcher) and Escape 2 (from the Fence)
  5. Juicy Carcass Couture
  6. Evening in Garbage
  7. J’adore la Pew
  8. L’Air du Romps
  9. Burberry Butt
And for the really discerning French dog,
  1. Chien-Smell #5

Yesterday I was a dog.  Today I’m a dog.  Tomorrow I’ll probably still be a dog.  Sigh!  There’s so little hope for advancement.  ~Charles M. Schulz



18 comments:

  1. Tammy--The list is hilarious and so true.

    How about "The Dead Deer Hunter" (since you included another movie and since dogs love to roll around in dead deer carcasses)?

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  2. I didn't realize one was also a movie name, but I like your marketing strategy. "Dead Deer Hunter" ought to be especially appealing to sporting breeds!

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    1. Whoopsy. I saw "Cool Hand Lake" instead of Cool Lake Water. My bad! ;)

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    2. Cool Lake Water is probably too subtle a fragrance, anyway. I'm thinking the dogs would prefer yours.

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  3. Hari OM
    Count me in fur some Eau de Canine! YAM xx

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    1. Simple, yet elegant. I like it!

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  4. This is such a funny post, and so timely!
    Do you have any names for when a skunk sneaks into your garage and sprays? Not that it happened here the other day or anything like that. Just curious. ;-)

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    1. Oh, Donna. I think that's called a catastrophe. I assume it would be easier to get skunk smell off a dog than out of your garage, because at least a dog is fairly localized. There has to be some kind of product that would help, right? Best of luck!

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  5. I think you could expand your line to include Man's Best Friend Mouthwash. What cocker spaniel would not like to start the day gargling with a flavor such as "Pieces of Feces?" (Not hatin' on the cockers, but every one I have been around has been a poop-eater!)

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    1. Ooh, yeah! Like Reece's Pieces, only Feces Pieces, huh?

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  6. Haha -- This is truly inspired. I love L'Air du Romps. Still laughing over that one. Brilliant. How about Lancome - La Vie Est Smell?

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    1. Oh, tres bien!! You are the master!

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  7. Oh stop! Send me oxygen; I am gasping from laughing at the results of your brilliant mind at work. these are hysterically funny.

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    1. Like you, your comments are so much fun! Thanks for visiting, Linda.

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  8. Now those are some really scrumptious scents, certain to appeal to every dog.

    Pat
    Critter Alley

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    1. Glad you like them, Pat. Thanks for visiting!

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  9. I am still laughing over this post, Tammy! My fave is Chien-Smell #5. Would that I could afford that one! And hey, to tell you the truth, this doggy cologne is not such a bad idea -- for real!

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    1. Thanks, Theresa! I did own dog colognes when my dog was alive, but they smelled good. To me, anyway. It was clear he wasn't thrilled.

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