It was on sale for something like $5.99—Mansfield Park! It was an older version of one of the movies made from a Jane Austen novel, but it starred Frances O’Connor and Johnny Lee Miller and
was filmed on location rather than a soundstage. I was sure it would be good.
When I got it home, I bragged about my find to my daughter
and invited her to watch it with me. And then I turned it over.
“Passionate!” it exclaimed in big red letters. And lower
down on the case: “The Hot Young Stars Bring Erotic Heat And Stinging Humor!”
Passionate? Erotic heat? Good golly-Miss-Crawford, did I get the right thing?
Or did I accidentally get some sort of porn? Like Fifty Shades of Sir Gray?
I was more than a little worried about what I was about to
watch with my daughter going on between cousins Fanny Price and Edmund Bertram.
Turns out they’d spiced the story up with a little innuendo,
a shot of a wet corset coupled with some girl-on-girl unhooking action and some
very dark commentary on slavery—something Jane herself undoubtedly wasn’t
exposed to and never wrote about. I think there was a kiss, too—the regular,
male and female kind. Pass me my smelling salts!
But as least we didn’t see Fanny’s fanny and the cousins
didn’t do more than kiss. Is it me? I just can’t help but wonder what this
world is coming to when Jane Austen goes semi-porn.
I was going to end with ten Jane Austen Movies-Turned-Porn,
but I even grossed out myself. So here are the five I can list here. Let’s just
say I hope no one ever makes
- Mansfield Parking
- Sense and Sensitive Body
Parts
- Pride and Porn
- Naughty Northanger Abs and
More
- Emma Does Edinburgh
Either that wallpaper goes, or I do.
~Purported last words of Oscar Wilde, writer
That's a clever way to make folks want to read the classics...
ReplyDeleteDo you think so? I think it's a little like putting SEXUAL REPRODUCTION TAUGHT HERE on the front of a science book. I doubt it will sell science books, and any kid who was fooled enough to open it is probably not destined to become a scientist, anyway.
DeleteI am laughing out loud. You are a riot. Your mind never stops with word play. I can only imagine when you flipped that package over and read "Erotic Heat," and now I will share this with my fellow teachers today.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Linda!
DeleteHa!! I can always count on you, Tammy, for a good laugh out loud! You have the cleverest take on words I've ever read, and I love your list. I may have to go back to the Jane Austen collection I purchased not long ago, books with prim and proper book jackets all done in pastel blues and pinks, to see what I must have missed. I have a feeling I'm not going to find Sense and Sensitive Body Parts, though ;) I do have to say too that I love Johnny Lee Miller, so that film version you mentioned sounds like something I need to watch. Thanks again for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Theresa! Something you said made me remember I took a picture of it! Wonder what I did with that?
DeleteTammy--Very, very funny list.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sioux!
DeleteHahaha! *snort* Hahaha! How did I miss this? Will you consider putting a widget on your sidebar so your fans can sign up to receive an email whenever you post? Pretty please? (Sioux just set up the feature on her blog, so I bet she'll walk you through it.)
ReplyDeleteAww...thanks, Lisa. I've tried to find the widget, which means it's probably someplace really obvious, huh?
ReplyDelete