I wasn’t the one
who stuffed weeds down Jimmy Z.’s pants just because he would let out this
little animal snarl and bite people. I didn’t melt Ex Lax on some cookies and
wrap them all up nicely and put them in the park with a big sign that said
“TREASURE!” and then enact a scheme (which involved really bad fake bird calls
as signals) to lure the Mean Kids to eat them. I didn’t try to talk a kid over
on the next block into drinking a baby bottle full of mud. My sister did all of
those things. None of them worked, by the way—except the weeds in the pants,
though I don’t think they curbed that biting any—but it wasn’t my fault. I
always thought they were wonderful ideas and went along with them
whole-heartedly.
We poked sticks at
dead squirrels and then had elaborate squirrel funerals. We found baby birds
that had fallen from nests, and somebody would find an old birdcage so we could
feed them until they died. Which they
always did. Then we’d have a funeral.
We were not-so-benevolent
gods who punished armies of ants. We were armed with sticks and rocks and
popguns, if someone thought to buy us the ammunition. Which fortunately they
usually didn’t, because I think they were onto us.
And Fourth of
July? I don’t even want to talk about it. Funny thing, though—I just now remembered
how my mom and dad claimed they met as children. They had climbed up on the local
clubhouse roof and were throwing cherry bombs at people. So there you go—it’s
not my fault. It’s genetic.
Did you do awful
things, or was I the only one?
Have a happy and
safe 4th of July!
“…this was my
sarcastic summer. It was only long after that I recognized sarcasm as the
protest of people who are weak.” ~John Knowles, A Separate Peace
No, we all did awful things. There was one creepy dad who a friend and I wrote cryptic notes to, and left them (anonymously, of course) for him to read.
ReplyDeleteI once chased a goose, thinking I was slick, but the goose got me back. (It chased me onto the top of a car.)
Yes, when we were allowed to run wild, we acted in wild ways...
How true. And I do know how it feels to be chased by a goose. Would that be what's REALLY meant by a wild goose chase?
DeleteWell...there was that lightning bug incident, but we only had an appreciation of fine jewelry, not necessarily an interest in dismembering living creatures.
ReplyDeleteOh, and who woulda thought that a handful of tiny pebbles from Grandpa's driveway, when flung at a passing bicyclist who had smashed our clay pots made from clay dug from the creek bank, shaped, painted with watercolors, and put on the patio to dry, would have caused a tiny scratch that bled like the stuck pig on my other grandpa's farm on butchering day?
Thank goodness I moved on from my life of violence to my current life of formulating run-on sentences.
Oh! I forgot about bug-jewelry! We used to pick discarded cicada skins off of trees and WEAR THEM like stick-on brooches. They seem made for it with their grabby little claws. I'm glad you left your life of violence behind. My sense of style hasn't improved much, though I try not to wear insect parts these days.
DeleteI'm remembering Ouija boards, slumber parties, and warm water. Guess I was kind of awful, too.
ReplyDeletePat
Critter Alley
Oh, well indoor awfulness - that's a category all on it's own! Thanks for reminding me about those times, too.
DeleteOMG what a fun read. My worst infraction that could have landed me in Juvie, but I didn't even know what that was back then: we bent antennas in half on cars parked on the block the night Dad played music in a neighborhood bar and said we could play outside at dark. I feel guilty to this day, which may or may not have something to do Karma and with having to replace our mailbox for the umpteenth time yesterday because some hooligan...
ReplyDeletethe 4th of July blown-up mailbox, huh? I'm so sorry. But that car antenna story is pretty funny. Enjoy the holiday!
ReplyDeleteI know all about the Ex-Lax prank, only mine involved laxative gum given to a neighbor kid named Randy! Too funny post, Tammy. Thanks for the chuckle this morning! Hope you had a great Fourth!
ReplyDeleteIt's probably a very good thing that I didn't know about such a thing as laxative gum...! Poor Randy. Thanks for stopping by, Theresa!
DeleteGreat post - I did the bug jewelry too and I'm mortified to think I did such a thing! ha. I was usually a scaredy-cat to do too much that was really awful... or maybe I've blocked it all! Ha.
ReplyDeleteThat's funny about the bug jewelry. Maybe the world would consider it a favor if I blocked more of my childhood.
Delete