Take That in Your Traveling Tupperware and Stuff It

Hooray for this time of year, when in true holiday fashion I can take something reasonably healthy, like oat cereal, and corrupt it until it retains virtually none of its nutritive elements, and like a culinary alchemist, change it into tasty, cholesterol-and cheese-laden gold. Here are

10 Things I Feel Like After Too Much Holiday Food:

1. A humongous, slightly mobile appetizer made of cream cheese, semi-sweet chocolate morsels, bacon bits, Cheeze Whiz, mayonnaise, and mini-marshmallows on top
2. Gurgling cheese ball
3. Chocolate-engorged food tick
4. Over-moussed moose
5. Raw, overstuffed poultry
6. Ginormous, un-popped cheesecake zit
7. Big glob of extremely well-marbled, past-its-prime rib
8. Giant, bloated gravy truffle
9. Piggy-food-bank
10. Baked couch potato loaded with sour cream, bacon, chives, and Cheeze Whiz

Shouldn’t there be a list of acknowledgments for detractors, naysayers, underminers?  All the people who did not believe in you.  The people who got in your way or who tried to bring you down.  These people deserve to be acknowledged, too.  They should be on lists titled F*** You and Special F*** You and Very Special F*** You.  ~Cynthia Kaplan, Leave the Building Quicikly

Dastardly Dozen

On the twelfth day before Christmas, many hassles befell me:

Twelve people in line,

Eleven shirt boxes missing,

Ten shoppers griping,

Nine un-matching gift tags,

Eight packages that need mailing,

Seven ornaments shattered

Six inches of packing tape left

Five more inches of snow!

Four backordered gifts

Three mile parking lot walk

Two sore feet

And a light that still won’t light on the tree!

It’s been a particularly hectic season here. Isn’t it amazing that a holiday that’s about love and brotherhood can so quickly and ironically make you feel the opposite? So it’s all the more important to me this year to stop and remember all that’s wonderful—and you are one of them. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and have a happy holiday!

Squidward: Who would want to celebrate a holiday where a fat man breaks into your house and leaves gifts?
Patrick: Like a genie!
~Spongebob Squarepants

Fifth Annual Chicken Soup for the Soul, Canned Soup for the Body Book Signing Canceled

Shown left to right in 2011 photo: T'Mara Goodsell, Theresa Sanders, Linda O'Connell, and Cathi LaMarche. Not pictured: Nina Miller, Sioux Roslawski and Beth Wood.

It's our fifth year!

Saturday, December 14, 2013 CANCELED DUE TO SNOW! 

Main Street Books, 307 So. Main Street, Saint Charles, MO

11AM-5PM 

We'll try to keep you posted on any rescheduling. In the meantime, stay warm and safe!

Be sure to stop by Main Street Books next Saturday for the fifth annual "Chicken Soup for the Soul, Canned Soup for the Body" book signing. We will be signing Chicken Soup books at staggered times this year. The schedule is:

11AM-1PM: Cathi LaMarche and Nina Miller

1-3PM: Linda O'Connell, Theresa Sanders and T'Mara Goodsell

3-5PM: Beth M. Wood and Sioux Roslawski

Bring a canned good to be donated to a local food pantry and receive 20% off your entire purchase all day.

Hope to see you there!