Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Improper Poll: Gellin’ Like a One-Legged Felon

The other day I got home and discovered one of my gel insoles, made specifically for sandals, was gone. Just…gone. It was an outsole.

My sole had fled to The Great Yonder. Where did it go? Thanks to the 100°+ weather we’ve been having, I can only assume my sole went to someplace hot as…well, you know.

To solve this mystery, I suppose one must follow the footprint. But right now, the only thing I can say for certain is that it could not have escaped on foot.

So naturally I am not only wondering where it ended up, but how. I had been all over the place. Did it flap considerably beforehand as if to wave bon voyage? Why did I not feel this? And perhaps most important, is my foot displayed on a website somewhere erupting what is sort of the foot equivalent of an incontinence pad? And would a better title for this post have been “Gellin’ Like Mount St. Helen?”

Has someone found my gel insole lying in the street like a gelatinous road kill foot?

And which is worse, the fact that I am going around losing my foot underwear, or the fact that I am taking pictures of the remaining one?

Have you ever lost items of clothing right off your body, or am I the only one who does these things?


  1. Scarves, hats, gloves, mittens...lots of them. And then in the 60s and 70s...well, we won't get into that. But how about socks in the dryer? No, that doesn't count.
    I know, however, I have three white gel insoles. Three. Whether the fourth escaped on foot, or underfoot, I'll never know.
    Great title, and equally good alternate title, Tammy. What fun!

  2. I once lost a half-slip while in line to sign up for a college class. Unfortunately, I was not a svelte 18-year old. I was more like a 38 or 48-year old, it was summertime, and the elastic had been in the process of surrending for a long time before that moment.

    It slipped down gradually, and finally, I just stepped out of it and shoved it in my purse.

    Fat, frumpy woman's slip falls down. It didn't go viral, thankfully...

  3. Have I ever mentioned how much I love you guys?

  4. I was once at The Galleria with a girlfriend who was going from store to store changing clothes. For some reason that she never really explained at one point she decided to remove her thong while in a changing room and stuff it in the top of her purse.

    So, we're walking down past the stores on a very busy day in the mall with hundreds of other people when out pops the thong and falls onto the floor just ahead of her right foot.

    Thinking quickly she makes a decision to pretend that it isn't hers and to kick it out of the way as she continues to walk. Well, a thong isn't a ball and it doesn't move where she attempts to send it. It just keeps us moving in front of her right foot. She repeats the process 8 or 10 times with the same results.

    Finally, it dawns on her that she now has an audience of hundreds of amused people just watching to see what she's going to do next to try and dissociate herself from the thong. It's become obvious, even to her, that she's just making the situation even more obvious. So she reaches down, picks up the thong, and places it back in her purse - this time so deeply that a mining crew couldn't dig it out.

    Needless to say, she got a standing ovation. ...From hundreds of amused bystanders.

    We used to refer to it as V Secret Day at the mall, when it was allowed to discuss it at all.

  5. I usually lose the whole shoe!

  6. Not me, of course. But a friend once disposed of her too-tight, creeping panties in the wastebasket of a Sonic restroom. Technically, she didn't LOSE them. She abandoned them.

  7. Wow, Tom. Thongs are WAY cooler than gel insoles. I hope no one clapped for me....

    Omg, Mama Zen, I really have walked out of the whole shoe a few times. Usually I notice, though.

    Val, that discovery might well have been the highlight of some of the workers' careers....

  8. If firmly attached, said items usually stay. However "loose cannons" are problematic! For me things like costume jewelry. Bum clasp...gone with the wind!

    Critter Alley

  9. That is so funny! Did you slip your shoes off to wiggle your toes in a fountain and it just fell of your foot? I usually don't lose my clothes, but the other day we were walking around downtown and I was taking pictures. After a bit, I noticed that my purple "Crown Royal" bag (my fancy camera case) was hanging onto a piece of velcro on the purse ... the camera was in my hand, but my extra $50 camera battery was still in the bag. I was so glad that it was hanging on for dear life, lol.

    Thanks so much for stopping by to visit, Tammy, and I hope things cool down for you guys.

    Kathy M.

  10. Tammy, you're a hoot. I know there has to be things that were suddenly gone, but for the life of me, I just can't think of anything... must be the heat.

  11. Oh, Pat. Those too!

    So glad it hung on, Kathy!

    Thanks, Lynn, but it's probably just me...!


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