Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Sub Notes: So, Like, Not Hot

One of the bad things about subbing is that you have no idea how warmly to dress during any time of year. Today I spent the day in the coldest room I can remember, and I was pretty covered up to begin with. At the end of the day I ran to my car (dropping my keys because of the shivering), and just baked in the sun for a while. Then I drove home with no air conditioning and all the windows rolled up. I bet it was well over 100° in there, but I was so bone-chilled that it still felt good. Throughout the day, I thought of

Ten Ways to Get Warm in an Eighth Grade Science Room:

1. Steal all the lab coats and pile them on
2. Shut myself in my car over lunch (if I had time to get there and still eat)
3. Warm myself over Bunsen burners
4. Break glass and wrap up in the asbestos fire blanket
5. Teach class while jogging in place
6. Haphazardly combine chemicals in hopes that something generates heat
7. Threaten custodians with jars of pickled tape worms if they don’t turn down air conditioning
8. Try to evoke hot flashes (which refuse to occur when you actually need them)
9. Failing that, invite menopausal teachers to stand around like space heaters
10. Go to Lost and Found and dig up a hoodie that (ironically) pronounces me to be hot in some way

Question I got from a seventh grader, who was pointing to a portrait of Cher in a white wig: “Is this Lady Gaga?”
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11 comments:

  1. Linda O'ConnellMay 16, 2012 at 4:08 PM

    I vote for the sweatshirt.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ValMay 16, 2012 at 4:48 PM

    I vote for #9 as the most efficient use of energy. The menopausal teachers are cooled by the room, and impart their heat into their surroundings.

    Actually, heat only flows from areas of higher temps to areas of lower temps. So the MENOs are the heat source. They feel cool because heat is flowing out of them. That's part of the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics. Just sharing that info because tomorrow is my last day of school, and I won't have anywhere to practice my craft until August.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sioux RoslawskiMay 16, 2012 at 4:54 PM

    And if Cher had heard that, she would have sang out, "If I could turn back time!"

    ReplyDelete
  4. Karin MitchellMay 17, 2012 at 7:19 AM

    HA! Hilarious!

    I got the find of the year out of the lost and found when I worked at the middle school. It was a Northface rain jacket that I've worn for about 8 years now. Middle school lost and found is pretty good.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oregon Gifts of Comfort and JoyMay 17, 2012 at 9:10 AM

    Oh, no! I'd rather be to hot than be too cold, any day. That must have been horrible, Tammy.

    That kid's question was pretty funny.
    Lady Gaga has green hair, doesn't she?

    Kathy M.

    ReplyDelete
  6. TammyMay 17, 2012 at 4:48 PM

    Well, Val, they would be a sustainable heat source, anyway. But clearly you and the writer of that second law have not experienced them or you wouldn't say they feel COOL. What I don't get is how you can burn like a thermonuclear generator and not burn any calories.

    Good one, Sioux!

    Way to score, Swedish Skier! I'd take Linda's and your advice, except that all I've ever seen in there has anime or skeletons. And B.O.

    Kathy, you've made me want to go look her up. I have no idea! I just hadn't seen the resemblance until the kid pointed it out!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Pat WahlerMay 17, 2012 at 9:53 PM

    Sounds like my office. It's crazy when you have to wear a coat at your desk. It's been a bit better lately. Haven't needed the hat and gloves for a while.

    Pat
    Critter Alley

    ReplyDelete
  8. Donna VolkenanntMay 17, 2012 at 11:35 PM

    My vote is for #10!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Tom JorgensonMay 19, 2012 at 2:13 PM

    11. Set fire to the principal?

    ReplyDelete
  10. TammyMay 20, 2012 at 11:17 AM

    Hat and gloves, Pat? Oof, I feel for you.

    Donna, I wised up and have one in my trunk. Though it's so ugly, I might be better off raiding L & F.

    Wow, Tom, you are mean! Don't forget,the principal is on my side. Or is supposed to be.

    ReplyDelete
  11. LynnMay 20, 2012 at 6:26 PM

    I could use a hoodie right now as hubby likes to keep this place like a fridge.

    ReplyDelete

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