Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Senior Sex(less) and the City: Episode #4

The Flaky Fake
I can’t quite figure out if he got a bad batch of Botox on top of it all. Can Botox go bad, by the way? I mean, really, can botulism go any badder? Regardless, Flaky Fake creeps me out. Some people think he’s good looking in a George Hamilton sort of way, but, wait…maybe it’s just Flaky, who is his own greatest admirer even though he looks a wee bit stuffed. Already roasted to the color of Italian leather when he got the Super Deluxe Rain-X version of a spray on tan on top of it all, he is now antiqued to the hue of turkey jerky. If I want yellowish and preserved, I’ll get a jar of pickles. Dills. And they will undoubtedly be sweeter. I’ve learned the hard way that, whether the person is a man or a female friend, overwhelmingly concerned with outside appearances = ugly on the inside. Narcissists suck. And I mean that literally. They will feed on every one of your reserves in the attempt to fill their bottomlessly empty souls.

Next week: Episode #5, Mr. Pushy


  1. I love the description of Flaky Flake, I know exactly what you mean. Gorgeous on the out, ugly on the in.

    Have a good weekend.
    Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  2. Thanks, Jules--your generous comment made me feel better! I discovered it when I came back to change what I'd written. I realized I'd worded that very poorly. I've known lots of people who are gorgeous both out and in, and even people who are very concerned with their appearance who are also very good on the inside. So I changed it to read "appearanceS" instead of "appearance." I happen to know Flaky well enough to know that it isn't his appearance that makes him an ugly person, but his preoccupation with the way everything *looks* that's the red flag. He is incredibly deceptive because he's covering inner ugliness. Anyway, thank you for being too sweet to point that out!

  3. Hi Tammy,
    Thanks for another great post. Flaky flake sounds like someone to avoid.
    I look forward to reading about Mr. Pushy.
    Donna V

  4. Tammy,
    Had an old German relative who used to say those kind of people are over hoooey and under fooey! I liek your description. Slim pickens out there, be careful for the real weirdos.
    Linda O'Connell

  5. Thanks, Donna and Linda! "Over hooey and under fooey?!!" LOVE IT!!!

  6. You forgot to mention the gold chair that rests so delicately against Flakey Flake's (or Flakey FAKE's) chest. Add a "stud" earring, and he's ready to prowl!


  7. Whoops, did I say "chair"? Flakey Flake is stronger than I thought. I meant to say "chain", of course!

  8. I guess you've met him, huh, Pat?! As it turns out, he does have chains, but he's especially into big, gaudy man-rings!!! Too funny....


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