- Trying to herd 25 five puppies, fresh from their naps, in a straight line.
- Juggling fruit flies
- Ordering earthworms to get out from under the painting table and sit up in their chairs
- Sitting in a room full of tiny monkeys that have to use the restroom every 15 minutes, and all at different times, but especially as soon as you have walked the class full of monkeys back from the restroom
- Inviting fifty pigeons to take a bath in the drinking fountain
- Twenty-five meerkats jacked up on espresso, with one freakishly wild, tow-headed meerkat named Carlton who absolutely never does what he’s supposed to be doing
- Twenty-four meerkats jacked up on espresso who feel compelled to tattle on Carlton at all times
- Hundreds of squirrels with unzipped zippers and tiny furniture
- A herd of teeny weeny wildebeests in a china shop with red flags everywhere, and Carlton wildebeest is crying because he lost the Pokemon cards you told him five times to put away in his book bag
- Trying to put Mexican jumping beans (only with lots more continuously flailing limbs) and with tiny bladders and untied strings hanging off of them all over the place who smell like bodily functions, on the correct bus—which is usually Bus Slot Five on alternate Tuesdays, except today because Grandma said to go to after school care, I think
Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Dog: If you diverge from the path—
Alice: I make the path!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Birthday Girl to her friend: "That’s okay. You don’t need to hug me. I have ‘personal space’ issues."
~Conversation overheard among A.P. English students
Monday, April 1, 2013
I subbed for years when we moved all over the country due to my then-husband’s job—once we lived in three cities in just over a year’s time—and then I stayed home for several years while the children were small and we moved around due to his job some more. When I went back, changes had taken place. A lot of them. I guess some might lament that fact—and the truth is, some of the changes were negative. But there were quite a few positive ones, too.
Sixth Grade Boy: "I have to pee."
Me: "Can you think of a more school-appropriate way to ask that?"
Boy: (After some thought) "I must urinate?"