Recently I found the mother of all tackiness. It beckoned from its eBay page, drawing me back again and again for stolen glances at this, my porn of the wrist. And there it was, so beguiling in its size, its sheer glittery-ness. And the colors!
I am weak, I admit it. When I gave in and ordered it, I was trying to fool myself into believing that maybe I could sneak it into normal life, tuck it under a sleeve so no one would know.
When it arrived, it had been shipped all the way from Hong Kong in a little box covered in stamps. Cost of shipping? Five dollars. How can that be? At that price I can’t help but picture somebody paddling very fast on a raft.
And then…oh, gracious. It is the hoochy-coochy dancing watch of all time, this glob of gaudy goodness. But worse—much worse—is the size. Huge, yes, but the hinged metal cuff size is made for Asian women. And although I am very small boned for an American of European decent, it puts me in sadistic watch-bondage, cutting off the circulation and corseting me in like Scarlett, leaving my wrist in an hourglass shape that would put Marilyn herself to shame.
Alas, I may have to come up with another use for it, such as decorating yet another thing on my desk. Still, I know that I just can’t give it away. So here it is. Not the best shot, maybe, but it's surprisingly hard to photograph your own wrist. You can see that it is creating dual muffin-tops on my wrist, which I had previously thought was about the only relatively fat-free body part I had. I can't even show you the front. I am too ashamed.
How about you show us the front if we're willing to pay a fee for a peep at it?
ReplyDeleteI have a couple of pair of BUS's (butt-ugly shoes) but they're so comfortable, I wear them all the time. I won't say I LOVE them (they're not worthy of love, like that gaudylicious watch of yours!) but I'm attached to them.
Do know of someone who is handy with tools (or perhaps you are)? Maybe there is some sort of solution. (Love should not hurt!) Do you follow Janel Gradowski's blog? She designs necklaces and bracelets. She might have an idea.
Oh, don't even get me started on the BUSs!!! I have a pair I've been gluing, not because I am too cheap to buy new ones, but because I still can't find any that are *that* comfortable (without looking it). I'll check out Janel. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteOMG I thought I was the only one hot gluing my BUS. Bill says, "BUY a new pair." No way.
ReplyDeleteI LIKE the watch band, now the face, is it BU?
LOL...must be a teacher thing. I know people who can teach from behind a desk, but I stay on my feet. Do you really want to see the face? I wouldn't call it BU, just...ample. VERY ample.
ReplyDeleteOh, Tammy! I love your watch! I don't think it's gaudy or ugly at all. I think it's gorgeous! And maybe it would fit a little better if it was pushed a little farther down to your wrist? Maybe an inch? DO NOT give it away or throw it away! I'm trying to think of something I love and can't explain why, or that I might even think is ugly....One is a "colorful" bracelet that I'm pretty sure you've seen! Thanks for sharing...and please do show us the front of the watch!
ReplyDeleteYour jewel-encrusted watch is quite fetching. I think a replica belongs on your little Lego avatar. My awe of this beautiful bauble is surpassed only by my awe of your mad one-handed photography skillz.
ReplyDeleteSadly, the only object to which I feel a strong attachment is my stapler at work. It's a maroon Swingline that I hide in my desk drawer so I do not have to let the students touch it.
I love it! I like stuff like that, too...shiny baubles. :) My fave are the stretchy bracelets with the (faux) gems. They're usually cheap and gaudy, but I just can't help myself. And I'm crazy about pens. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, Tammy, it is a lovely watch! Just lovely. It is obviously made for someone with a very thin and delicate wrist, someone like, like, well ME, for example. Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteOh, after reading Lisa's comment, I must add that I also LOVE pens and pencils and can be very territorial about them!! Mine...all mine!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for making me feel better about it. My daughter gave it "the look." But then, she is an even more conservative dresser than I am. Have to wonder how many writers have that love of pens? And Val, yes, it's pretty amazing. I can eat one-handed, too...while typing with the other. Am doing it now. Guess I'm just talented like that.
ReplyDeleteWell I think it chic, in a "pick me up, play with me" sort of way. But then I wear a Lego watch. :)
ReplyDeleteJules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
I wear a wooden beaded bracelet that I found rolling in the ocean waves in front of my apartment. It is really weathered looking, but I love it because it feels natural and almost spiritual. Every time I walk on the beach I look for other neat stuff, even though most people would consider it garbage. -Lola http://www.dreaminginafishbowl.blogspot.com
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