Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Beware Ye Who Ignore the Sanctity of the Sign

This is my No Soliciting sign. You tell me:  Is there anything unclear about it?  Because I find it’s one of the sad ironies of life that Boy and Girl Scouts are the only salespeople on earth who seem to know the definition of soliciting. And of course they are the only groups for whom the sign is not intended.

I think I nearly have my technique down for those who ignore it. I look for my beloved sign and ask, “Did my sign fall down?” It’s always there, of course, so I point to it. “No!” I say, “There it is!” Then I quietly shut the door.

Because it shocks me how many people ignore the sign. I know people need to make a living and all, but it is generally accepted that we don’t disrespect others to do it.  And I figure my sign pretty much warns them that I am not going to be terribly receptive to whatever it is they want me to do.

According to Dictionary.com, a definition of soliciting is: “To seek to obtain by persuasion, entreaty, or formal application.” I looked it up, because one guy tried to tell me that soliciting only referred to sales, and he just wanted to ask me to change my religion. Or sometimes they just want to ask me a question, which turns out to be do I want to buy their product or service. Once someone told me his sales pitch was a “customer service update.”   Here’s news, Mr. door-to-door Customer Service Updater: poop, by any other name, still stinks.

Then today, a guy who was apparently working for a politician came to my door at the wrong time. I had my headset on to make a phone call as soon as a fax had gone through, which I was hoping to get accomplished before leaving for an appointment that I was trying not to be late for.

He told me he needed to get so many names of people who believed in non-violence. Was I non-violent?

I wasn’t trying to be sarcastic. Really. It just came out. I pointed to the sign, then my phone, and earnestly exclaimed, “No, I am extremely violent.”

He ran. Actually ran! Well, to be technical about it, he stumbled backwards a few paces first.

No Motorcycles
No Chicken Suits
No Exceptions
~Sign from TV show, “My Name is Earl”


  1. I can't stop laughing. I can see you doing this. Years ago door to door salesmen used to get the names of graduating girls and try to sell us household items. I could always say, NO.

  2. And I can see you saying NO to the household items!

  3. LOVE it!! I think I told you about my experience with the guy running for a local politcal thing...he was dressed like a UPS guy, so I naturally opened up the door....the more he talked the more *#&@ I gave him!! He just kept talking and so did I !! I think I finally closed the door in his face.......Unbelievable!!
    I'm still laughing at yours, too, BTW!

  4. PS I love your sign from the Earl show, too! :)

  5. I remember that! I would NEVER vote for someone who had people impersonate the UPS guy in order to get people to open their doors!!! I would wonder what else they were trying to deceive me about. And you know that was the intent, because no one dresses like that in real life! But then, I don't vote for ones who don't respect my privacy, either! :-o

    Did you ever watch "My Name is Earl?" That sign used to hang up in The Crab Shack. Sad to say, I missed the episode where they explained the chicken suit reference.

  6. No, sorry...I never watched "Earl". I gave it a try once or twice and just didn't "get it", I guess!


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