Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Senior Sex(less) and the City: Episode #2

Sporty Skimpster
“Sporty” is an older gentleman, and good for him for being in such great shape. The problem is that he wears shorts that are really short. No, I mean reeeeally short. As if that’s not bad enough, when Sporty climbs off his bike, the shorts remain in a seated position. You just know that at any moment, there’s going to be a spillage of junk in a catastrophe that rivals BP’s. It’s hard to talk face to face with Sporty because you’re just waiting for that avalanche to occur. Whoa—get back on that bike, Sporty! Wait, no, don’t do that, either! Sporty was, no doubt, a Speedo man 40 years ago. Or last week. There’s a male friend in my biking group who claims that older men should never wear spandex, either, but said friend also commented that my silver nail polish was the exact color of a Ford truck he used to own. Even though I later had trouble driving due to counting how many cars matched my fingertips (three), we won’t listen to him! Spandex is way better than the reeeeally short shorts because at least those macho man-girdles restrain the bits—perhaps a little too violently—to keep them from escaping into the great outdoors. Who cares if that shiny black pelvis-stocking would fit a Ken doll when he first took it off the hanger? Either way, to the Skimpster, sports are a chance to sport body parts that should be kept under wraps. And not Saran Wrap, either! Bigger wraps. Much bigger, roomier wraps.

Next week: Episode #3, E-pologetic.


  1. Eeeek! What is it with some men, anyway?? They obviously must be looking into a Magical Mirror where they see themselves as Tom Selleck, et al. Loved the various...descriptive...words...Eeek!

  2. I love the "remained seated" vision, I could see it. What a laugh. Nice post or episode.

  3. LMAO!! I didn't think any guy these days would wear their shorts like that!!
    I couldn't help but think of that "Friend's" episode, where Phoebe's friend, Robert's baggy shorts caused inappropriate exposure when he sat in the chair with his leg up on the couch. Sporty... LOL!

  4. Nail polish the same color as his truck, spandex, junk spillage catastrophe. I can't stop laughing!

  5. Thanks Becky and Jules! And Weedwacker--yes, that's only too similar! And Linda, it's another sadly true one!!!

  6. that's just nasty. gives me a serious case of the heebie-jeebies. thanks for that. :]

    i've been neglecting my wow fellow bloggers. so, happy belated bonday! sorry i missed it.

  7. Oh yeah. I've seen them, too. Look in the mirror, Mister!


  8. Thanks, criticalcrass and Pat! I should say, though, that no avalanche has really occurred yet. I get the impression that he's just one of those very fit people who's learned to show off his physique...a little too much. I don't think he's really trying to flash?

  9. Hi Tammy,
    I've seen a couple guys like this on my walks. It's sad, sad.
    Donna V.


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