Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Monday, January 20, 2014

Gone Soft

The first time was in the dark of night. It was my sister who turned me on to it; she’s always been a bad influence. I was stuck at home during a snowstorm. I figured no one would know, no one would see. But that once was all it took. After the first time, I couldn’t do without it. The thought almost made me panic. I drove across town to get it. I had to have more.

I even tried a cheap knockoff in the attempt to support my microfleece habit. Instead of the real stuff, I threw some pajamas made of the crappier kind into my cart while buying groceries. And worse—though microfleece is not by nature one of your sexier fabrics, some misguided designer had tried to make this garment look snazzy by putting a sparkly thread in the furry fleece. Unfortunately, this had the opposite effect: it looked like a Yeti who’d run away from the mountains of Nepal to become a Las Vegas Show Gorilla. A Sadly Sassy Sasquatch. An Abominable Snow Ho.

But that’s how bad the addiction was, you see. I had to have it anyway.

I thought it would be heavenly warm (it is) and heavenly soft (it isn’t). The problem is those darned shiny threads—they jab. Who needs a bed of nails when you’re sleeping in a garment of pins? Like an idiot, I washed it thinking that would soften it somehow. I also thought it would help wash some of the store germs off. Now I can’t return it.

So it sits in the giveaway bag, ready to transform some lucky thrift-store shopper into Trashsquatch, the South Pole-Dancing Bigfoot. I can spare it now, though. I found a pair of microfleece pajamas that make me look like a fuzzy convict. Except instead of doing hard time, I’ll snuggle up with a good book and do soft time instead. Ahhh.
           
The receptionist, wearing mostly her bones, but also a black blouse, a very short black skirt, black tights, black shoes, and deeply red lipstick, checked around and said Robert could do me in about twenty minutes. ~Elizabeth Berg, The Pull of the Moon

16 comments:

  1. Thanks, Tammy, I really needed a laugh. I just knew the sparkly fleece would scratch, but still felt myself itching along with you when you tried it on.
    Great stuff!
    K

    ReplyDelete
  2. Where were you when I was shopping, Kay? I'm thinking this was a gateway garment. Now I'm looking for the hardcore stuff, like Polartec.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That stuff is way too warm for me to sleep in. So even though I'm not needing a fleece fix, I hope you find some that IS warm and IS heavenly soft.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did, thanks! And right now as I type, we are having a snow day and I am a warm and fuzzy convict who escaped a hard day's labor. So I can shovel and caulk bathtubs and vacuum later. Wait - please open schools!

      Delete
  4. All I have to do is drape the fleece throw that I won three years ago at my sister's Christmas Eve party over my lap, and I'm off to recliner snoozeland. It's SO warm. And SOFT. I gave my mom some fleece pajamas, and she loves them. I gave her another pair the next year. The next one, she cautioned, "I have enough pajamas. I haven't worn out the first ones yet." So I gave her a fleece robe. Uh huh. She's prepared if her heat goes off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do see Mom's point. You need the Wear and the Spare (for wash days), but no need to get excessive or you're just asking for your furnace to break down.

      Delete
  5. Sasquatch ho....Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You are hilarious. I am going to admit in public forum that I wear fleece nightgowns INSIDE OUT, have for years because I want the softness next to my body. Hubby asked yesterday if I knew I had my gown on inside out. I asked, "How could you NOT know this?" Years, I tell you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And for years I've questioned the sanity of making the soft side face OUT. Bet this is the same designer who tried to dress up fleece with disco threads.

      Delete
  6. Love the names of those fleece animals. You're cracking me up. I love fleece too, but it gets too hot, so I found some jammies that are equally as soft, but thinner material and they almost look like I could out in public with them. Almost.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shh...but I might need you to set me up with your jammy supplier.

      Delete
  7. Oh and meant to say that I loved your previous meme... tutu...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh, I love fleece! Soft, furry, warm...what's not to love?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Maybe it's a good think I didn't discover it earlier, huh? Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Judy!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hahaha! Abominable Snow Ho . . . so funny. I, too, engage in Wearing of the Fleece. Sexy, no; warm, yes. I don't mind looking like a Snow Ho as long as I'm toasty. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lol. I love that stuff too. It seems to be getting better. We got some Mariners snugglies for Christmas, and they are thin but soooo warm.

    No school for me today due to freezing rain, so I am playing catch up with my bloggy friends. Hope that you have an awesome day.

    Kathy M.

    ReplyDelete

Any return "messages" are appreciated!