Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Improper Poll: The Nekid Truth

Don’t blame me for this. Blame Linda of Write from the Heart for writing from the funny bone a couple of months ago about the first time she saw a naked man. Her description of Bazooka Joe is hysterical.

So I confessed that, since I came from a family of sisters and was not even remotely privy to male privates, I once studied a picture in a figure drawing book with increasing confusion until I realized much later that what I’d been sneaking peeks of had in reality been…a fig leaf. (This was a black and white drawing, by the way. If the leaf had been green, I would have had a clue. Or maybe not.)

Never fear—I did not give up on my pursuit of the personal parts! Much later I discovered a big sister’s copy of The Godfather (I think) in our attic and read a description so terrifying that I would say that prose alone did more to protect my virtue than pretty much anything else. So yet one more reason to be a reader! What I pictured was very angry and not of this world and could have starred in its own horror flick.

Eventually my best friend and I got to talking, and she ended up stealing her big sister’s ID in order to buy me a copy of a “Playgirl” magazine.

I mean no insult to the male gender when I say that being underwhelmed can be good.  Whew.

Did you have any interesting thoughts on the other side’s nether sides?


  1. I do know that as a youngster (9? 10?) when we vacationed, we always stayed in a Holiday Inn on the way to Florida and on the way back. (A flyswatter in every room--for swatting kids--and the kids eat free.)I once saw my dad in his boxers (old, faded, threadbare ones), and it was kind of like an awful car accident---I couldn't really look, yet I couldn't tear my eyes away from it, either.

  2. I have a brother 22 months younger than I am, so there were no such mysteries in my life. Now I'm wondering if I missed some really great adventures into the realm of imagination.
    I love the part about the fig leaf, Tammy. I'm sure it must have been terribly confusing. Hilarious, however.

  3. WHAT?!? You never played "doctor" when you were a kid?

    I remember being coaxed into playing it by a girl down the street. She didn't really want to fully expose herself, so it took the form of her pulling her pants down to show me what was under them.

    This was very frustrating for me, though. No matter how far down she pulled her pants there didn't seem to be much of anything there. I finally concluded that she was hiding her "girl parts", told her this, and said that if she wasn't going to show me hers that she wasn't going to see mine, either.

  4. Incidentally. Let me dispel a myth that I've found is very common among women.

    Men do NOT compare their genitals or their size when in the bathroom or locker room. Most men are so homophobic that they try very hard to look anywhere other than at each others' private parts, even if it means accidentally slamming their gym bag into someone else because of it.

    ...And about all that is ever discussed in such places is sports, though I can't for the life of me figure out why.

  5. Perhaps Tom can explain this concept for us. You know, what with having access to the equipment 24/7/365.

    Why does each man think his stuff is something special? My husband, Hick, once declared that he could never go to prison, because all the other men would want him so bad. Okay, he didn't just blurt that out for no reason. He was watching one of those prison shows at the time.

    I beg to differ. I think they would prefer the nether regions of other prisoners who had been lifting weights and working out for 25-to-life. Not some middle-aged softy new fish kind of guy.

    I'm not saying Tom would know what guys like. Only why all men think they are hot stuff. Even to other men.

  6. @Val - Happy to answer anything I can.

    I'm not sure why your husband and other men might feel that way. It's not a feeling that I share. I sometimes joke about such things, but frankly, I've never had that level of confidence (if that's what it is) myself.

    A few months back I was discussing the possibility of sharing a room with a dance partner for an out of town event(platonically, to share costs) and she told me that she couldn't do that. I asked why and she said that it was because she was sexually attracted to me and would end up in bed with me. I was really very surprised, since I don't think that most women would find me particularly attractive in the physical sense, and this lady was quite attractive herself.

    My best guess is that they (the men) don't really mean it and are just trying to be funny.

    But women I've been with in my life have commented on the fact that I have a strong female side to my character for a man. That isn't to say that I'm interested in men, I'm not, just that my thinking is more closely allied to how women think than most men (probably about 1/2 way). So I may not be the best guy to ask.

  7. As a kid I walked in on my great-uncle who innocently sat on the toilet. He covered up fast, and from the look on his face I'll bet it scared 10 years off his life. I think he was more traumatized than me.

    Critter Alley

  8. I was pretty little, 5 or 6 when I opened the bathroom door when my dad was taking a whiz. You would have thought by the look on his face and then the shouting that I did something really bad. The only thing bad was seeing that ugly thing. LOL.

  9. When left to our own imagination it can be scary. (LOL) My mother believed in education so no surprise here but I do remember the day I changed the location of my aim. :)
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  10. Tammy, I had two younger brothers, so no surprises there. I do have a very cute photo of my little grandson Keillor in the bath tub. It is on my left sidebar. Check it out!

  11. Nothing too exciting for me. My sisters and I had to take turns changing our youngest brother's diapers.


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