Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Improper Poll: Petty Potty Peeves

The commercial said to talk about what we really want in toilet paper. What I want most is the good old days when toilet paper came in a roll that fit on the spool. I bought it and it performed its intended duties.

It’s the deception that bothers me. When my pleasantly-plump toilet paper went on a diet and started coming out of the plastic looking as lean and wiry as if it had been running the Boston marathon, it bothered me that paper companies tried to pretend it had always looked like that. My toilet paper formerly-known-as-normal then became known as the “Double” or "Mega" roll.

Quite often the packaging hides the size of the roll. Remember the old commercial about squeezing? I’ve become such a squeezer that I really do worry that passers-by will think I have a creepy need to feel up toilet paper. Squeezing taught me that some sneaky companies were simply rolling them loosely. They looked like a double roll, but it was all an elaborate toilet paper ruse.

The thing is, I fight enough with my family about changing the roll. I don’t want something that’s half gone before it ever gets going and has to be changed twice as often.

So after careful squeezing, this is what I bought the other day (above, right). When I took it out of the opaque packaging, it was clear that although the girth of the roll was plenty plus-sized by today’s standards, the spool was a full ¼ inch shorter than it used to be. They’ve come up with new ways to shrink my toilet paper! And now I'll have to grope it in multiple directions before buying.

Note to toilet paper companies: I don’t want perfumes, cosmetics, or lotions. I don’t care about how the plies are knitted together. I don’t need little designs. I don’t consider strength to be an issue. I don’t particularly enjoy going…anywhere that involves toilet paper. I just want my stupid toilet paper roll to fit on the stupid roller and not have to be changed everyday. And I don’t want you to pretend there hasn’t been shrinkage.


Do you have a pet peeve about household products?


  1. Tee-hee! You are certainly on a roll, girl, and in more ways than one!

    How about the window cleaners that all claim to be non-streak? Haven't found one yet. As a matter of fact I now make my own window cleaner from water, vinegar, and a drop of dish soap. It's cheap and guess what? Non-streak, too!


  2. I chortled at this! I've never 'felt up' loo rolls, or anything other than an occasional melon or avocado, but will certainly watch to see what happens over here in UK. You know why - we always follow the good old USA;-)
    I've lots of peeves!!

  3. I love the "dent" in the bottom of product packaging. (It has a name...I don't know what it is.) The "dent" makes it look like the bottle/carton has more than it actually does.

    And as for toilet tissue. The claims about being "strong" disturb me. What is going on that requires strength?

  4. Good one, Pat! And I agree about the streaks!

    Jabblog, I suspect we're the only country where they come up with creative ways to shrink our products and pretend we don't notice.

    Sioux's is a perfect example--I hate those dents, too, along with the weirdly-shaped bottles that are designed to look bigger than they are. And your toilet tissue comment made me LOL. I've thought the same thing, but you worded it so well!

  5. The Great Value Deluxe Mixed Nuts that used to be sold by Walmart in 22 oz. cans are now found only in 18.25 oz. cans. For the same price, of course.

    The Little Debbie Iced Honeybuns have shrunk to the size of a small biscuit.

    And I swear that I used to buy sugar in 5 lb. bags, but over the last several years they are 4 lbs.

    I, however, do not seem to be shrinking at all.

  6. Girl you sure can make me laugh. TP Feeler-uper, now that just makes me laugh! :D
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  7. This post "cracks" me up. I've noticed how the paper roller is larger to make the tp look bigger. I don't like being deceived either. They've really hit the bottom with that crappy ruse.

  8. Val, I worry that the future holds lots of shrunken products!

    Jules, glad you found time to stop by!

    Donna, that stinks about the roller!! Enjoyed your comments!

  9. You've managed to make feeling up toilet paper something the cool kids do. :) My big complaint is snack packaging. The package gets bigger, the quantity inside gets smaller, and their excuse is "settling." Yeah, right.


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