Writing is like being able to put life into a snow globe. It takes the things that are too big and scary and reduces them into a form that I can put away when I want and look at from a distance. It also takes all that’s good in life and captures it into something I can take out when I want and look at close up and keep forever. It makes the bad things into something I can hold…and the good things into something I can hold onto. Both help so much that I need that little souvenir of life.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Improper Poll: Improper All Over Again

It’s been a loooong week, so I’ve decided to reprint my Easter post from last year. It’s my all-time favorite. Do you have any entertaining suggestions on how to celebrate? And to help make up for my obnoxious sense of humor, I will end with a great quote. I wish you a holiday filled with peace and joy.

Back By Unpopular Demand! 10 Things for Losers to Do on Easter:

1. Try dying scrambled eggs instead. Practice making puking noises as you eat.
2. Put marshmallow bunnies in the microwave facing each other with little toothpick swords. Turn on the microwave and watch them blow up and stab each other. (See illustration.)
3. Make an ecologically friendly basket by recycling old margarine tubs. Use dryer lint for grass or better yet, go green by using real grass (and just pick out the ants and wood ticks). Substitute lima beans for jelly ones. I find that dried work better than canned.
4. For an extra special treat, hide the basket a year early so you really don’t remember where you put it.
5. As a creative and festive surprise for children, experiment with hiding other boiled proteins, such as crab legs.
6. All that candy spells u-n-h-e-a-l-t-h-y. Try filling baskets with less sugary substitutions for jelly beans, such as fish oil and flaxseed capsules.
7. On a budget? Instead of wasting eggs, experiment with dying other items in your refrigerator, like bologna.
8. For an amusingly ironic twist, fill children’s baskets with rabbits’ feet. For a REALLY amusing twist, add a sign that says, “Good luck, from the Easter BAHHHHHH!!!” Then sing, “Here comes Peter Cotton Tail, hobblin’ down the bunny trail….”
9. Crash a little kids’ Easter egg hunt, shout “Gotcha, you sum’ bitch!” and club the egg thoroughly with a baseball bat. Hold up the remains and ask someone to take your picture.
10. Mount half an eggshell on a trophy plaque and hang it over your fireplace. Next time someone comes to your door to tell you about their religion, invite them in and keep interrupting with, “Want to see what I bagged on my last hunt?”

When one has purified oneself, by the grace of God, to the point at which one can truly love one’s enemies, a beautiful thing happens. It is as if the boundaries of the soul become so clean as to be transparent, and a unique light then shines forth from the individual….The effect of this light varies….The bearer of the light…most often will be unaware of these effects. Finally, those who hate the light will attack it. Yet it is if their evil actions are taken into the light and consumed….The process may be painful to the bearer of the light….This does not, however, signify the success of evil. Rather, it backfires. ~ M. Scott Peck, M.D.


  1. Tammy--I am so glad you reposted this because I just found out what a blog was this past summer,so I completely missed anything before July...

    Very, very funny. AND educational. (I'm going to try the dueling bunnies in the microwave.)

  2. These are some great suggestions I think Ill get started :)

  3. When I crash the egg hunt, I always club the guy in the freaky rabbit costume!

  4. Okay, so, you know I've got to try the whole marshmallow-bunny-in-the-microwave thing. My family already thinks I'm nuts, so what have I got to lose? Very funny post. I'm glad you re-ran it.

  5. Sorry I'm late bad weather. Which I see you survived Friday night.

    ROFL, next year #9 I will be trying :)
    Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

  6. Tammy, I'm glad you reposted this, too, because although I read it the first time...it's just too hilarious to keep locked up in the old archives!! :D


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